How to sneak in some romance between nappy changes

Candle-lit dinners with your partner may seem like mission impossible now that you’re knee-deep in feeding schedules and nappy changes, but it doesn’t have to be that way. According to psychologist Jacqui Manning, you simply need to adjust your expectations.
“Before baby, you could spend hours together at a romantic venue and your time was your own,” she explains. “Now, you’re responsible for a tiny human and need to collect those ‘sparkles’ in much smaller doses.”
While bringing a baby home is often one of the happiest times in your life, it can also be overwhelming. “Babies change everything,” Manning says. “It won’t be forever, but in the moment, it can feel like your connection with your partner is tenuous.”
Because of this, psychologist Nancy Sokarno adds: “It’s important to maintain open communication to avoid misunderstandings. Ignoring personal needs can also be a common mistake as we get lost in the whirlwind of it all, assuming that we aren’t as important as our child.”
Your little one may demand a lot of your time these days, but Sokarno says carving out time for your partner is crucial for nurturing your relationship. Here are five ideas to get you started.
Instead of catching up on texts while baby naps, Manning says to use this moment to connect. “Brainstorm things you can do at home — play your favourite song, play Mario Kart, do the crossword or just hug on the couch. Remember that you won’t have much time to spare for now, so plan small to prevent disappointment.”
If the idea of leaving baby feels too overwhelming right now, Sokarno says to bring the romance to you. “Home date nights, such as cooking dinner together or watching a movie, provide opportunities for intimacy and relaxation after the baby is asleep,” she explains.
To really up the ambiance, Manning says to dim the lights or play some music and dance. “Whatever you like to do together, try and recreate it at home,” she adds.
“Take one to five minutes a day to look into each other’s eyes and speak a few words,” Manning tips. “Some days you’ll be so tired this seems impossible, so just hug and look at each other during this time.”
It may sound simple, but gazing into your partner’s eyes can help you feel more connected and deepen your sense of intimacy.
Once you feel confident enough to leave the house, ask a trusted friend or family member to watch over bub while you duck out for an hour or two. You might head down to the local pub, see a movie or simply enjoy a romantic evening stroll.
If you can, time your date during bub’s nap or bedtime so you don’t feel pressured to rush home.
“When it’s time to wrap up the day, it’s important to check in with one another and be present in the moment,” Sokarno says. Talk about your needs or struggles and try your hardest to really hear what your partner is saying. “Sharing feelings openly and practising empathy builds emotional intimacy and trust,” Sokarno adds.
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^Based on Kantar Australia Brand Research, November 2023.
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The advice in this column is general in nature and doesn’t reflect your personal set of circumstances. Please seek help from a medical or mental-health professional if you feel you may need support.